Cold Press

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Me: Hello, is this the...newspaper guy?

Newspaper guy: Yup. Talk.

Me: Hi, so I didn't get the newspaper today.

Newspaper guy: Yup.

Me: I was wondering why...

Newspaper guy: It was Gandhi Jayanti yesterday. Bapu's happy birthday.

Me: Yes, I know.

Newspaper guy: Yup.

Me: So why didn't I get the paper today?

Newspaper guy: Because no one printed a paper.

Me: No, I'm pretty sure they did. See, I work in a newspaper.

Newspaper guy: Maybe, but they didn't print it yesterday.

Me: You mean, I went to work, helped make pages and left at 12.15am after PDFs were sent for printing, but they didn't print the paper.

Newspaper guy: Yup.

Apparently, we made this for fun last night.

Apparently, we made this for fun last night.

Me: Why would I do that?

Newspaper guy: How do I know what you do for fun?

Me: What if I show you a copy of today's paper?

Newspaper guy: If you have a copy of today's paper, why are you calling me?

Me: Because you didn't deliver a copy!

Newspaper guy: But you have a copy!

Me: Not from you! And not at home!

Newspaper guy: Madam, Gandhiji wouldn't have wanted this.

Me: Means?

Newspaper guy: He believed in ahimsa.

Me: He probably would have wanted me to have the newspaper since it involved me and a whole bunch of people working on his birthday.

Newspaper guy: But I’m telling you there was no newspaper made yesterday.

Me: And I’m telling you I was at work, making today’s newspaper yesterday.

Newspaper guy: Maybe your office forgot to tell you they’re not printing it. Like those practice runs they do in case there’s a fire.

Me: Can you just get the paper and send it please?

Newspaper guy: But I’m telling you there’s no paper.

Me: OK thanks.

(Just FYI: there definitely was an edition of at least Hindustan Times printed today. God-promiss.)